i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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