I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
