hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
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