Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
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I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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