my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
