I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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