mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
