I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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