whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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