It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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