His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
