normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
