You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
