I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
