One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Someone came in the potted fern
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
