This girl is more easily done than said...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
