he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
