Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
