Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
