dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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