can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
