the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
