I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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