she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
