I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you would pick up someone in the library
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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