Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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