I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I want to be your penis for a week.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
