is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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