I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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