My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
