So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
