If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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