The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
