I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
