well I can't set my house on fire every night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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