Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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