It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
