Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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