I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
