if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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