I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
