if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You made out with two different species that night
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
