To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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