he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
