I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
