Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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