I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
