I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
