He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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