Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
