Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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