I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
