I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
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Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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