wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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