There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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