listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
