she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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