this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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