Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
