I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
