I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
