he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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