I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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