Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
