He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
