I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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