The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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