I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
This house was built for laser tag.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
