In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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