you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
