Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
