i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
