Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
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I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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