I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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