i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
