i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
