speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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