The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
