so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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